This video is for all people looking to take their Marriage or relationship to the next level. Send this video to someone who needs it!
I decided to give some advice from the perspective a married man who’s been a father for only 7 months.
Too many times I have come across relationships experts that claim to have answer this question but are usual way of base or give generic soultions and don’t understand the situations that African American husbands are faced with. I have been married for almost 10 years and these tips are not only on point but applicable to real life situations.
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Today is Mother’s Day.. a day when all of us should take some time out, reflect and give heartfelt thanks, hugs and show appreciation to our first teachers… Today is one where we should uplift those who have bore life and have nurtured us, often times against seemingly insurmountable odds…Many of us claim to love our mammas, but far too many us go all out to mistreat the mothers and future mothers around us..Some lay hands on our mothers, others verbally abuse our mothers.. Still others sing, rap or listen to material that debases our mothers.. That needs to stop..
What good are flowers and cards when we refuse to see our mothers as invaluable? If the women around us are only seen as bitches, hoes and creatures who need to be pimped or physically checked, then Mothers Day will only be a Hallmark Card holiday and not something that should be a kickoff to behavior and collective action that could be more meaningful..
The worth of a people will always be judged by the treatment of the women around them… There are many mothers who have gone under appreciated, uncared for and who have been scared and damaged by a society that gives lip service to ending oppression and to a community that has brought into the destructive ideals of that majority culture.. Perhaps this Mother’s Day our greatest gift should be us making firm commitments and us taken bold steps to helping our mothers and future mothers heal.. Our sisters, aunties, grandma and mothers deserve our unconditional love and uncompromised support..
A toast and much love to all mothers who have managed and continue to manage the storms of male supremacy impacting them daily. May we all learn to be better sons for our moms, better husbands to our wives, better fathers to our daughters better boyfriends to our girlfriends and better men so those coming behind us will see and respect the humanity in the women around us..
My wife and I have dealt with our fair share of fertility issues. We have been married for 11 years; it will be 12 years on June 22, 2014 and we have been trying to have a baby since day one. When we first got married, as soon as the nuptials were complete, we went to our hotel room after the reception and fell asleep. We were so exhausted from our festive day that we didn’t even consummate our new love as husband and wife. After that day though, we were like rabbits who found their way into a Red Bull factory. We both wanted to start our family right away. At first, we just thought that it wasn’t our time and that it would happen when we stopped trying to make it happen. Then a few years passed by and we knew that something was wrong and that’s when we started our journey into the world infertility issues. My wife has had two myomectomy surgeries and neither one of them have been a success. A myomectomy is a surgical procedure to remove fibroids from the uterus. My lovely wife has been a soldier throughout this whole process. I thought that my sperm count was low and that kind of emasculated me in my thought process, but I was in the clear, the Doc’s gave me a clean bill of health. Enough about me, here are my six tips for men who are loving women with fertility issues.
1. Love her no matter what.
As the husband, it’s important that your wife knows that you have a sensitive side to you. This is a very sensitive subject to your wife and if you have a nonchalant attitude about the whole matter, this will turn her off and possibly make her feel even more insecure about herself.
2. Don’t make it about you (Husband).
It’s not about you dude. Stop making the one who is dealing with the issue feel like she has to cater to your needs. Most wives want to give their husband a child or children and if she can’t because of a physical abnormality, that not only ways on her physically but, it hits her socially, mentally and psychologically as well. It’s not about you dude!
3. Be ready financially. It’s going to cost.
Yes, this one right here is a big one. The doctor’s appointments alone can be costly and expensive. Medical insurance does not cover anything dealing with pregnancies; my wife found a loop hole though because her issue became medically necessary due to the placement of the fibroids in her uterus, so surgery was needed. In vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, finding a surrogate mother, and even adoption can be extremely expensive.
4. Do your research.
Don’t leave it up to your wife to carry the burden or the weight of doing all the research. Plan time with her to do research together or simply do it on your own. Deciding to do the research on your own will show your wife that you are in it with her and that she can count on you to be just as prepared as she is for what’s ahead.
5. Continue to pray and speak life over your wife’s womb.
Talk to your to your wife’s belly. Now I know that this sounds like some “extra spiritual” mumbo jumbo, but it works. Continue to show your wife that you believe that she will bear children for you one day soon. Speaking life involves your unrelenting prayers and affirmations towards your wife’s situation in dealing with fertility issues.
6. Show her she is still #1
I must admit I failed at this one. When we first found out that my wife had fibroids that were hindering her from getting pregnant, I inappropriately placed blame. I soon realized that many African-American women deal with the issue of fibroids and infertility. Nothing can make a woman with infertility issues feel more badly than her husband finding fault with her. Yes, instead of placing blame, show her your support. Make her feel like she is still the number one person in your life. Baby or not, you are still married and will continue to spend a lot of time with your wife, and what better way to spend that time then to show her how much she has the number one spot in your life.
These are my tips and I pray that they will aid or assist you in some way.
Cedric A. Thomas
A couple appeared on the Steve Harvey Show recently to discuss the wife’s frustration over how negatively her husband has responded to her new hair style. She had transitioned to a natural hair style. After watching this episode I reminded me of a post I wrote for my wife blog.
Natural Hair Rules has raised a very important question “What are men saying about natural hair?”
I think that that there is a much larger number of black men who are attracted to girls with ’straight’ hair. Society has taught them that Natural is Nappy and Nappy is ugly and undignified. Now there is nothing with wanting to appeal to men. Women like to look physically attractive to men, it’s natural (and vice versa).
I love a woman with natural hair because it is like her finger print. It’s hers and no one has her print. Any man who cannot see the beauty of natural hair is missing the big picture in my opinion. ( Side bar what made Black women straighten there hair to begin with…. Think about it ??) I don’t apportion blame onto women because so much of the female identity is still wrapped up in the patriarchy that controls the majority of societies in the world. I think natural hair is beautiful because it’s blackness personified before manipulation. It’s a shame some black men could not see the beauty of natural hair.
I enjoy a woman who is confident in herself. For example, my wife Tamara is wearing natural hair and even with no make up she still looks dynamically gorgeous. Her non-conforming appearance seems to point to the fact that this particular woman is not swayed by the superficial facades of societies standard of what a beautiful black woman is. Natural is beautiful. This does not mean, however, that women who have perms and/or weave are shallow or lost or not real . It just seems that they are less likely to reject the “medias” standards of beauty. I won’t say that one is better than the other…just that being confident in your own skin is attractive…regardless of which package it comes in.
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