My wife and I have dealt with our fair share of fertility issues. We have been married for 11 years; it will be 12 years on June 22, 2014 and we have been trying to have a baby since day one. When we first got married, as soon as the nuptials were complete, we went to our hotel room after the reception and fell asleep. We were so exhausted from our festive day that we didn’t even consummate our new love as husband and wife. After that day though, we were like rabbits who found their way into a Red Bull factory. We both wanted to start our family right away. At first, we just thought that it wasn’t our time and that it would happen when we stopped trying to make it happen. Then a few years passed by and we knew that something was wrong and that’s when we started our journey into the world infertility issues. My wife has had two myomectomy surgeries and neither one of them have been a success. A myomectomy is a surgical procedure to remove fibroids from the uterus. My lovely wife has been a soldier throughout this whole process. I thought that my sperm count was low and that kind of emasculated me in my thought process, but I was in the clear, the Doc’s gave me a clean bill of health. Enough about me, here are my six tips for men who are loving women with fertility issues.
1. Love her no matter what.
As the husband, it’s important that your wife knows that you have a sensitive side to you. This is a very sensitive subject to your wife and if you have a nonchalant attitude about the whole matter, this will turn her off and possibly make her feel even more insecure about herself.
2. Don’t make it about you (Husband).
It’s not about you dude. Stop making the one who is dealing with the issue feel like she has to cater to your needs. Most wives want to give their husband a child or children and if she can’t because of a physical abnormality, that not only ways on her physically but, it hits her socially, mentally and psychologically as well. It’s not about you dude!
3. Be ready financially. It’s going to cost.
Yes, this one right here is a big one. The doctor’s appointments alone can be costly and expensive. Medical insurance does not cover anything dealing with pregnancies; my wife found a loop hole though because her issue became medically necessary due to the placement of the fibroids in her uterus, so surgery was needed. In vitro fertilization, artificial insemination, finding a surrogate mother, and even adoption can be extremely expensive.
4. Do your research.
Don’t leave it up to your wife to carry the burden or the weight of doing all the research. Plan time with her to do research together or simply do it on your own. Deciding to do the research on your own will show your wife that you are in it with her and that she can count on you to be just as prepared as she is for what’s ahead.
5. Continue to pray and speak life over your wife’s womb.
Talk to your to your wife’s belly. Now I know that this sounds like some “extra spiritual” mumbo jumbo, but it works. Continue to show your wife that you believe that she will bear children for you one day soon. Speaking life involves your unrelenting prayers and affirmations towards your wife’s situation in dealing with fertility issues.
6. Show her she is still #1
I must admit I failed at this one. When we first found out that my wife had fibroids that were hindering her from getting pregnant, I inappropriately placed blame. I soon realized that many African-American women deal with the issue of fibroids and infertility. Nothing can make a woman with infertility issues feel more badly than her husband finding fault with her. Yes, instead of placing blame, show her your support. Make her feel like she is still the number one person in your life. Baby or not, you are still married and will continue to spend a lot of time with your wife, and what better way to spend that time then to show her how much she has the number one spot in your life.
These are my tips and I pray that they will aid or assist you in some way.
Cedric A. Thomas